When I set my intentions for the year 2020 in a January vision board project I could not have predicted that 6 weeks later my income and work life would be non-existent. I won’t bore you with my personal circumstances but suffice it to say that I am currently unemployed with no end in sight so I have been scrambling to turn off unnecessary services for my extremely vacant vacation rentals. I have also been canceling non-essential purchases, deliveries, services and God forbid even my crepe-erase membership (yes it works).
I am here to tell you that I have nothing but time on my hands. Case in point; my power went out a few weeks ago and I have yet to change the clock on my nightstand to reflect the correct hour. There is no need to set my alarm, no one is expecting me to show up to teach yoga and there are no appointments on my calendar. A civil and friendly visit with the dental hygienist sounds more than appealing and I would gladly weather a trip to the DMV if it would mean getting out of this house for an hour, but my energies are needed elsewhere as I make my way through a long list of cancellations.
Calling the gym to freeze my membership proved impossible and Airbnb would not take phone calls; it turns out that becoming a “valued super host” wasn’t such a big deal after all. Spectrum Cable in Austin Texas wins hands down for the longest wait time, coming in at a whopping 2.2 hours. I can hum their catchy little tune to perfection and repeat with complete accuracy every instruction, advertisement and opportunity to upgrade my current service. Even with the volume turned down, my attempt at reading a book was insufficient to drown out the repetitive recordings encouraging me to “hold for the next available representative”. By the time I got a live voice I was met with a very kind and weary sounding gentlemen who for whatever reason decided to share a good chunk of his life story with me. Perhaps the wait time was designed by a higher order so that I might connect with a distraught young man. In the end I was grateful I could be of service to someone and step away from myself even if just for a few moments.
As the days of lock down multiply into weeks I have released all semblance of order and succumbed to a life lead in pjs until far too late in the afternoon to cop-to in an open forum. My quarantine lethargy has significantly lowered my ambitious nature and I find myself struggling to initiate even the slightest effort to complete any of the in-home projects I could be working on. My productivity level is reduced to writing, editing photos, cooking and working with the newest member of our family, a lively and very young German Shepherd that gives me cause for walking.
“Stay in the Now” has never held more weight than at this current moment and yet that simple mantra that I compulsively share with my yoga students seems to elude me. I need to hear the words and allow them to travel to my heart where they can be planted long enough to take root there.
My fear of long term unemployment and the threat of loosing my home weighs heavy as I watch my bank account dwindle but the story is far from over and today I have what I need. If faith is believing in what we do not see, then the knowing must come from my heart not my circumstances. There’s nothing more to do but believe, write, walk and edit.
Stay in the now, stay in the now, stay in the now....
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